Great Balls of Fire
by Mamma4ever
Summary: Outtakes for Flaming Desire. The girls are ER doctors and the guys are firemen. Does it get any hotter than this? There's gonna be a bit of everything in here, so keep an eye out! OOC, AH, Lemony goodness!
1. Emmett Sees Red

**Ok, so I have had a few ideas for outtakes for Flaming Desire, but I never knew if it was something people would want to read. Some stories have outtakes that go over quite well, and others…not so much ;) After the last update for FD, I had a few ppl ask me questions that made me decide outtakes were necessary because I had not planned to put these things into the main story.**

**I am not sure how many I will have total, but I have at least 3 more up my sleeve. *grin***

**Oh yeah, one more thing, my outtakes will not be beta'd, so please be gentle if I made a mistake! LOL! **

**Here is your first one. Some Emmett/Rosalie goodness. This takes place on Halloween Day—part of chapter 17.**

Outtake 1—Emmett Sees Red

EmPOV

I was in the middle of the best blow job of my life when I could faintly hear Fantasy by Ludacris playing somewhere. It was perfect for the _activities_ I was taking part in, but the fact that it just kept getting louder and louder was annoying the shit out of me. I grabbed Rose's hair and pushed her down harder. _Fuck am I glad she liked that!_

The fucking song was getting even louder to the point that it was keeping me from blowing my load. _This is bullshit!_ The next thing I knew, Rose wasn't sucking my dick anymore—in fact, it was my hand wrapped around it, not her lips. _What the fuck?_ I heard the song again and realized it was the ringtone I had set for Rose on my cell going off on my nightstand. _A fucking dream, just my luck._

I flipped open my phone, "'Sup sexy lady?" I said in a very groggy, but very horny voice.

"Emmett…were you having another fuck dream? Damn, boy, do you ever get enough?" She snorted.

"Never enough of you, baby, but anyway, it wasn't fucking this time, your lips were wrapped around my cock and damn, woman! You know how good you are at that!" I realized that my hand was still wrapped around my dick and I was methodically stroking it. _Yeah, I jack off so fucking much that I don't even realize I am doing it…pathetic._

"Well, I have a surprise for you, can you wait for me or do you plan to finish yourself off?" She giggled, knowing me all too well.

"Fuck, baby…you know how hard that is for me. I hate blue balls," I whined.

"I promise to make it worth your while. Besides, how long has it been since you have had blue balls you idiot?" She chuckled.

"That's beside the point. Just hurry the hell up, I can't promise anything if you take too long."

"Emmett McCarty! If you take care of things yourself before I get there you will regret it…and you _know_ I will know if you have," she said firmly.

I huffed. "Fine! I'll take a fucking cold shower," I grumbled.

She giggled and ended the call.

~*~

Seventeen minutes and forty seconds later she walked in the front door—not knocking because she had learned I don't answer knocks. _If you didn't know to come in, you didn't need to be at my house, so fuck off!_

I planned on shocking the hell out of her by being dressed in nothing but a sock…on my cock. _Hmm, that rhymes!_ But when I turned around _she_ shocked the hell out of _me!_ She was wearing her Wilma costume for the party we were having later that night and man did she look like sex on heels. I mean, she always looks hot enough to fuck, but damn! She was wearing a tiny little scrap of a dress, showing way too much skin—and I am _not_ complaining—and the red wig she had on looked so real! Don't get me wrong, I love Rose and she is the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, but red hair? That just gets me so fucking hard!

Rose looked down at the sock that was now sticking straight out in front of me and she grinned and shook her head. "So, I take it you like the costume?"

I tried to play it cool. _Yeah, right._ "Well, that depends, _Wilma_, do I get to fuck you in it? I have always had a thing for Wilma. I sure do love a redhead." I had closed the gap between us and was now raking my hands all over her body. I bent forward and started sucking on her neck. "Man, that wig looks real, babe. It must have cost you a fortune," I mumbled against her neck.

My hands were trailing up under the small piece of material that was doubling as a shirt when she whispered in my ear, "It cost exactly $12.85. It's real, baby…_very_ real."

I bit her neck and dug my fingers into her skin then growled, "Are you fucking serious? You dyed your hair?" I kissed up her neck, stopping at her ear and sucking on her earlobe.

Rose had removed the only piece of clothing I was wearing and had wrapped her fingers around my cock and started stroking me while kissing my neck and digging her nails into my back with her other hand. _Damn, I love when she claws me like that!_

I had reached her glorious tits and started massaging them and pinching her hardened nipples. The harder I pinched, the harder she stroked my dick, and God was she amazing with her hands. Hell, she was amazing with every part of her body.

"Let's go to the couch, baby," she pulled her face back to look me in the eye and wiggled her eyebrows. _Hell yes! I know what that means!_

I followed her to the couch watching her remove her shirt and panties—leaving on the skirt and heels. _Fucking perfect!_

She put her hands on the back of the couch and bent forward, looking over her shoulder, "Give me that magnificent cock, Big Papa!"

"My pleasure!" I lifted the back of her barely there skirt and grasped her perfect ass. "Mmm, man you know how much I love your ass, baby!" I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her back against me. With her six inch heels, her ass was perfectly in line with my dick. She arched her back and I slid into her wet and waiting pussy. "Fuuuck yes!"

I slipprf my right hand around and began teasing her clit, then raised my left hand to twist her nipple. She moaned, grinding her ass into me, and reached between her legs to cup my balls. "Shit, you know just what I like, Rosie!"

"Come on, Em, quit playing nice! Fuck me hard!" She slammed her ass hard against me and squeezed the shit out of my nuts.

I started pounding her hard, just like she liked it. With every thrust she screamed my name. I pulled my hand away from her tit and slapped her ass causing her to scream, "Yes baby! Fuck! Again!" _Fuck, I loved how she likes it rough!_

I slapped her ass again, then reached up with my right hand and grabbed a handful of her fuckhot red hair and jerked her head back. We both groaned. She squeezed her pussy around my cock and I knew she was close. I slapped her ass one more time and slammed into her again and this time she responded with, "Fucking son of a bitch whore fucking shit!"

"Fuuuuuuuck! Rosie, shit!" Hearing her cum always pushed me over the edge. She was so fucking sexy when she came.

I laid my head on her back as we both caught our breath. I rubbed her thighs and hips and ass then started kissing a trail up her back to her shoulder. We both stood up and she turned around to wrap her arms around my waist and kiss me tenderly. I thoroughly kissed her back until she pulled away.

"So I take it you like the outfit?" She raised one eyebrow quizzically.

"Oh I love the outfit, Rosie, but I have just one question."

"What's that," she said with a grin.

I pulled her close to whisper in her ear, "Does the carpet match the curtains?"

**That's Emmett for ya! Yeah, it was quick, but it got the point across! Y'all wanted to know what he thought of the red hair, well, welcome to the mind of Emmett. Shall we call him Pervmett? LOL! Show me some love bbs! Also, if you can think of an outtake you would like to see, let me hear it. I won't make any promises, but I will always take suggestions!**


	2. Charlie Went a Courtin'

**This isn't much, but it is something I have wanted to write ever since Bella set Charlie up with Sue. I just wanted see his bashful self go on the date!! Don't be 'specting no lemons, cause that's just like…ewww! He's like my dad, man! **

**I just think this is cute and sweet and fluffy! If you don't like it, I'm sorry, lol, I just had to write it :)**

**Again, no beta, so if it sux, plz ignore it and be gentle *grin***

Outtake 2—Charlie Went a Courtin'

ChPOV

I don't know why I let Bella talk me into this. The last time I had dated I was nineteen. I didn't know what I was doing then and I sure as hell don't know what I am doing now. I needed to call Bella or I just might ruin everything.

She answered on the second ring, "Hey, Daddy! So, today's the big day, huh? I bet you are a blubbering pile of goo right now, aren't you?" She was chuckling with every word.

I groaned, "I'm glad you think this is funny. You knew I wouldn't be able to do this, Bells. I don't know the first thing about being chivalrous and I don't have a dang clue what to even _do_ on a date. I can't believe you cornered me into this."

"Ok, first things first, you need to calm down. Sue is already completely taken by you, although I have no idea why…honestly, Dad, you treat her like a cleaning lady! So, tell me, where do you plan on going tonight?"

"Well, I guess first I will take her to Hungry Bear, and—"

Bella cut me off screaming into the phone, "Hungry Bear? Are you shitting me? Dad, this is a date, not a 'lunch with your buddy' outing."

I huffed into the phone, "Well, what do you suggest, pray tell?"

"Well, Dad, at the very least you need to take her to Port Angeles. You do not woo a woman in Forks—not gonna happen. If you want major brownie points, you could take her to 'C'est Si Bon' as I am sure she would love that. That would also make it so you don't have to work so hard at sweeping her off of her feet, 'cause, let's face it Dad…you don't know how to use a broom!" She started cackling and I just rolled my eyes.

"Laughing at my expense again, I see." I mumbled.

I could hear her clicking the keys on her laptop then she squealed, "Dad, this is perfect! You are so lucky you decided to take her out on a Wednesday. After dinner you should take Sue to The Concert on the Pier, they are playing Nakai'i Hawaiian Music. Oh, Dad, that is so romantic! What a perfect follow up to a French dinner."

I grumbled, "Romantic, huh? Listening to a bunch of ninnies playing music with words you can't understand?"

Bella giggled lightly and said, "Daddy, I know it is hard for you to imagine, but women are not swept away by beer, sports, and fishing. Sue, I am sure, would enjoy anything you do with her, but this will make her night, possibly even her year. I know deep inside that rough exterior you are just a big ole softy. You should do this for her. Oh! And get her some flowers. And for God's sake don't buy her Zinnias. Actually, never mind, I will call the florist and have her make you a perfect arrangement, you just be sure to go pick them up." Bella was now giggling uncontrollably.

I shook my head and ended the call telling her I loved her and how grateful I was for her help.

~*~

I was to pick Sue up at 4:00 so we would have time to eat and then head to that tomfoolery of a concert. Bella had called me back to let me know the flowers would be ready any time after three. She was giggling again and I started to wonder what she had up her sleeve.

Brushing aside any thoughts of Bella, I went to my room to get ready. _Dammit, I should have asked Bella for a pointer on what to wear, too._

I remembered Edward's reactions when he was here looking over the items in my closet. There were some things that I knew to never wear again—thanks to his comments—so I avoided them like the plague. I held up a disco shirt that was dark brown with bright yellow circles inside white-circle-formed diamonds, complete with a butterfly collar. _I still don't see what's wrong with this one._

I finally settled with a dark grey pullover sweater and black Levi's. _Surely you can't go wrong with grey and black, right?_

~*~

I stopped by the florist and picked up the order Bella had placed for me. I don't know the first thing about flowers, therefore I had no clue if it was an acceptable arrangement or not, but knowing Bella, it would be perfect, so I paid for it and left feeling pretty confident…until I pulled into Sue's driveway. _I have no idea what in tarnation I am doing._

I could feel the heat emanating from my face when I walked up to her front porch. I took three deep breaths trying to calm my nerves, and then knocked.

Sue answered abruptly, grinning from ear to ear. "Charlie! I was so worried you would stand me up! Let me grab my sweater." She turned and made her way quickly to the closet across the hall, giving me plenty of time to admire her choice of attire. She was wearing a pink summer dress that came just below her knees and she wore matching pink sandals. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun with several curls hanging down around her face. She was breathtaking.

When she turned around, with her sweater in her hand, smiling widely, the light from the hall encircled her head making her look just like an angel. I didn't even think before I spoke, "Are you ready, angel?" Instantly my traitorous blush came back to the surface and my eyes bulged nearly out of my head. _How embarrassing._

"Why, Charlie, aren't you just the sweetest thing?" Sue spoke these words with just the slightest southern twang, sounding utterly adorable. Having been mesmerized with the beauty in front of me, I had forgotten the flowers I was holding. "Are those for me?" Sue said smiling and batting her eyelashes.

I mumbled, "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry." I raised the flowers, handing them to her. Her eyes lit up and her smile grew impossibly wider. As she took the flowers from me, she immediately grabbed the card. _There was a card? Daggone it! I didn't sign the dang card._

Sue read the front of the card briefly, then flipped it over. She gasped bringing her hand to her lips. _Great. Whatever the card said wasn't good._ She looked up at me, removing her hand from her mouth—she was smiling beautifully again—and cupped my cheek. "Charlie! This is a side of you I've never seen before. I am so happy! I feel the same way." _Wait. What?_

She brought her lips to mine and softly kissed me. It had been ages since I had felt soft lips against mine but I didn't remember it feeling anything like that. Without a conscious thought, I cradled her face in my palms and kissed her passionately.

I pulled back and cleared my throat. "Would you like to put those in water?" I nodded toward the flowers she was holding. I needed to read that card. I gently took the bouquet from her hands and began walking into her house toward the kitchen. I managed to remove the card from the holder before we made it to the sink. As she was opening her cabinet to find a suitable vase I quickly skimmed the typed message on the tiny piece of cardboard.

_My dearest Sue,_

_May tonight be the first night of many_

_Love, Charlie_

I flipped the card over to read:

_Yellow Chrysanthemum – secret admirer_

_Sunflower – adoration_

_Pansy – loving thoughts_

Oh my daughter was in so much trouble when I got home.

~*~

Taking Bella's advice, I drove to C'est Si Bon where Sue and I enjoyed a rather quiet dinner. Sue tried to strike up a conversation on more than one occasion, but I was so nervous that I had reverted to one syllable answers. As always, Sue was very understanding of my idiotic ways—she would just smile and continue on with another topic.

At one point during our meal she reached over and held my hand. The gesture calmed me immediately. _Why was I so nervous? I have secretly loved this woman for nearly three years. This woman, who was now lovingly holding my hand. Time to man up, Charlie._

"You look so beautiful tonight, Sue. Well…every night, really. I have always wanted to tell you, but I just…" I huffed, not knowing how to put my thoughts into words.

"Charlie," she said, rubbing circles on the back of my hand with her thumb. "You don't have to say anything. You are like an open book. I have always been able to know what you were thinking. Why do you think I have stuck around all of these years while you just blatantly ignore any chemistry between us?" She grinned, letting me know she was being playful. "I have known for a long time how you feel; I was just waiting for you to finally realize there could be something between us. I would have waited forever." She smiled the most magnificent smile I had ever seen her smile.

We continued our meal and our dessert when I told her of my plan to go to The Concert at the Pier. She squealed quietly telling me she had always wanted to go but had never found anyone who would accompany her. I paid the bill and we walked out of the restaurant still holding hands.

~*~

I had brought a blanket for us to sit on, thanks to Bella's suggestion. We had been sitting there for a short period of time when Sue scooted closer to me, tucking into my side. I wrapped my arm around her and she intertwined our fingers. I felt her sigh as she laid her head on my chest.

We sat this way for quite some time before we notice people getting up to dance. Sue jumped up, grinning, and reached down to grab my hand. "Dance with me Charlie, please? It will be the perfect ending to the perfect night."

I grumbled, but I agreed. I would do anything for this woman. I had finally come to realize that she meant the world to me and I didn't want to live a day without her by my side.

Halfway through the dance, I decided to tell her just how much she meant to me. I pulled her close and whispered in her ear, "Sue, I am sorry it took me this long to ask you out to dinner. I am sorry that I have taken it for granted that you would always be there for me. I have been a fool. I have allowed you to take care of me for all of these years and never repaid you in any way. I am so sorry and I promise you it won't happen again. I am going to spend forever making it up to you."

I pulled back to see her face and she was crying. "Oh Charlie! All I ever wanted was to be with you—in any way, shape, or form. I was content with just your friendship if that was all you were willing to give—I would never have pushed you for more. I love you Charlie Swan. I think I always have." She lowered her eyes in embarrassment.

I lifted her chin and just before kissing her, I whispered, "Sue Clearwater, I _know_ I have always loved you, I was just too stubborn to admit it."

And to think, I never would have if it wasn't for my daughter, the matchmaker.

**Like I said, it wasn't much, but I wanted it out there. I just love Charlie. He needed to find love like everyone else ;)**

**Please show me and Charlie some love and let us know you care *batting eyelashes***

**Next one up **_**should**_** be some Jasper and Alice goodness, but if something else takes over my brain, please forgive me!**


	3. An Upstanding Guy

**Ok…I know this isn't chapter 22 like you are wanting, but I am hoping this will tide everyone over until I get it posted. I have had this in my head for weeks now and I wanted to get it out to everyone as a Christmas present ;)**

**As with my other outtakes, this isn't beta'd so please forgive any mistakes!**

**I would love to hear what you think about it!**

**Love to you all and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!**

Outtake 3: An Upstanding Guy

These pants are the most uncomfortable things I have ever been in. Scratch that. The summer of '97…Speedos…_those_ were the most uncomfortable things I have ever been in. I can't help it, I need room to breathe…stretch out if you will. So, Speedos? No, whoever invented those fuckers should die a thousand deaths.

But, at this very moment, it is partly my fault I am in these horribly restricting button-fly jeans that are two sizes too small. Ever since _Bella_ came into the picture, I…well…I am always fucking hard. There, I said it. I can't help it. She has the sweetest fucking pussy I have ever had the privilege of being smothered in.

Not that Edward had stuck me in that many to begin with, but FUCK I could smell her ten feet away and man did she make me drool. I was always drooling when it came to Bella. Thanks to her, Edward now has a permanent cum stain on all of his black boxers. _Serves him right, he should let me out more often._

In case you haven't realized by now, yes, I am a dick. Not a dick in the 'Oh my God, he is such a jerk!' way. A literal dick. Pecker, prick, schlong, wang doodle, disco stick, fuck rod, or my personal favorite: heat-seeking moisture missile. Yeah, that's me. And Edward so astutely named me Dick. _How original._

So, I thought I would take a moment to tell you a little bit about myself…er, _explain_ myself, rather. Let me first tell you, I am _not_ Edward. Edward likes to be a gentleman. He likes to quote unquote respect Bella because he _loooves_ her. *insert fucking eyeroll*

I say, "Fuck the gentleman shit." I am crude, vulgar, perverted, you name it. I like pussy. I like to fuck. I don't want to make fucking love. I don't want to caress the piece of ass that I am getting ready to plunge into. I just want to get off. Blow my load. Bust a nut. And to be honest, any pussy would do, but I do have to admit that Bella's is fan-fucking-tastic! That woman could make me cum six ways to Sunday without even trying. It was embarrassing how I couldn't even last twenty fucking minutes with her. I was on the verge of spewing just being near her, so once I was inside…any orifice for that matter—mouth _or_ pussy (God what I wouldn't give to get to pop her black cherry!)—it was hard as hell to hold back. This did nothing for my ego…actually, I take that back…it _shrunk_ my ego.

But anyway, back to the topic at hand…or _in_ hand I should say. The whole problem started when we were eight. I say 'we' lightly because physically we were both eight, but sexually, I'd like to think I was a bit more mature than Eddie boy. Poor guy didn't know me from his elbow. I had to educate the poor sap.

I remember it like it was yesterday. We were in the bathtub and the faucet was on. Eddie was splashing around and ducking under the water to see how long he could hold his breath. He got a bit too close to the tap and fuck if that didn't feel so damn good! He shot up out of that water so fast both of our heads were spinning. He looked around to make sure we were alone (did I mention he wasn't very bright?). When he realized the door was closed he inched his way closer to the stream. He was moving slowly, like he was nervous. But shit, I wanted to feel that water again immediately, so I told him to get his ass in gear. That was the first time I actually spoke to him and I think I freaked him the fuck out. I realized then that he was a bit dense and I needed to speak slowly for him to comprehend. I felt like that freak from Silence of the Lambs, "It puts its cock under the water."

"Edward, dude. Did you like how that felt? 'Cause I sure as hell did. Come on, there's nothing wrong with feeling good. Try it. Just scoot forward a little bit and stick me under the water. Please, dude, I am begging you." So, he slid forward inch by mother fucking inch like a damn turtle and finally we were both in our first bout of ecstasy and holy motherfucking hell was it amazing. I know, I know….you don't want to think about an eight year old boy getting his rocks off, it's disgusting, but hey, _you_ try walking around with all of this testosterone build up and then do nothing about it.

From that day forward, Edward and I were best buds. He always had one of his hands down his pants touching me and hell if we didn't both thoroughly enjoy it! His mom, however, was constantly slapping him upside his head and telling him how he needed to do that in private. At least she didn't tell him he was sick and he _shouldn't_ do it. That woman was my idol.

Things changed drastically when we were about eleven. Edward woke up one morning and we were both sticky. _What in the fucking hell was this shit?_ Later that day, when we were enjoying one of our daily (more like hourly) sessions of flogging the dolphin, I puked. That's all I can call it. I fucking threw my guts up all over in Edward's hand. We both nearly had a heart attack. _What in the hell was going on? _He ran to the bathroom and cleaned us up and neither one of us said a word for two days. He didn't touch me and I didn't ask.

Finally he got the balls to ask his neighbor, who was three years older, if he knew what was going on. That was such a mortifying conversation. Dude laughed his ass off at us. At least we found out what we needed to know. Unfortunately, from that day forward we had to be a bit more careful where we…er…took care of our business. It seems that once puberty hit, it was natural for you to produce that nasty fucking sticky stuff and every time he whacked off it came out. This severely limited our amount of sessions. He couldn't just reach down and jerk me a few times anymore. Noooo, now we had to have a Kleenex…or one of his tube socks. (We didn't use the socks often because his mom complained and begged him to please never force her to touch his 'spunk catcher' again.)

Over the next couple years Eddie and I had gotten amazingly good at the art of pocket pool. And then one day, yet again, our world changed. We saw naked boobies. Don't get me wrong, I had been hard before, of course, but nothing had ever visually stimulated me. It was always by touch. But _now_ things changed. Visual stimulation was amazing in one aspect, but horribly, horribly terrifying in another. It seemed we were…uh…stimulated quite often. Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately?) for us, the first person to notice was Edward's mom.

We were in the grocery store and passed Elizabeth Barnett…the neighborhood slut. She was wearing a pair of tight ass hip hugger jeans with a black thong visible just above the waistline in the back. She had on the skimpiest shirt and her tits were damn near jumping out of the top. I was instantly hard as a rock. At this age, we didn't know what we would do with those tits if we had them in front of us, but we still loved to look at them. We were both drooling when Esme leaned forward and whispered in Edward's ear. "Edward, dear, we aren't camping. Please pitch your tent where no one else can see it." Did I say that woman was my idol? Scratch that. She just went on my shit list. That was the year Eddie decided to wear fucking speedos. Thank God after three months he realized it just made us incredibly uncomfortable…all the fucking time. So, we just walked around sporting wood in comfortable ass boxers again.

Then Edward discovered Penthouse. Fucking hell…we spent a lot of time in the bathroom after that. Until once again, Edward's cockblocking mother realized what was going on (I swear that lady has a jizz detector). It's not that she tried to _stop_ our…playtime…in fact she *gulp* rather encouraged it. It's just that she…well…she just made us really uncomfortable. When we would walk out of the bathroom she would grin and say something along the lines of, "My Eddie…becoming a man," or "Honey…that is the third time in two hours…don't you think you should take it easy?" _Fuck our life._

Ahh, then there was the spring when we were sixteen. Prom. The worst night of our teenage life. It was the night we were supposed to lose our virginity to Melissa Simpson. Key phrase: supposed to.

It started out great. Edward met her parents and was very smooth and *gag* gentlemanly. At the dance, things were a bit strange because we were touching a female….a female with tits….a female with tits that we knew we were going to be fucking in a matter of hours. So…of course I was hard…as steel. Edward didn't want her to know, so he awkwardly danced with his ass sticking out so as not to rub me against her very feminine, very sexy, probably very soft thigh…because, yes, Edward had not hit his growth spurt yet and he was shorter than Melissa—another reason for the night to be horrible.

Finally, after several songs, they decided to ditch the dance and head to the hotel to 'do the deed' earlier than planned. This is where things started to go very, very wrong. Suddenly, these two kids who had been making out like jackrabbits for the last three months were scared to death to touch each other. They made it to the hotel and Edward nervously tried to swipe the keycard…and missed three times. Melissa grabbed his hand—hers was shaking too—and helped him to open the door.

When they got inside they were both looking everywhere but at each other. I realized I was going to have to take matters into my own hands. I started pulling Edward in the direction of the bed. He timidly sat on the end of it. I rolled my eyes and told him to man up or get the fuck out. He reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand between his legs. She rested her hands on his shoulder and he placed his on her hips.

In typical inexperienced teenager fashion, they both just kinda froze. So…I did what I do best. I got rock hard. Again. Yeah…Eddie boy woke up then. And then he proceeded to embarrass the shit out of both of us. I blame it on watching too many pornos…and he always managed to end up with rough sex videos (this is what happens when you become friends with Emmett the horndog).

Edward reached up to her tits and squeezed them…he fucking _squeezed_ the delicate tits of a teenage girl…not massaged them…not caressed them…**squeezed** them like a damn stress ball! She jumped back and said, "Fuck Edward! That hurt! Do you want me to squeeze your balls like that?" _Fuck yeah I do!_

"I'm sorry…I'm just nervous." Edward hung his head. I was doubled over laughing at him.

Melissa, bless her soul, cupped his face and said, "Edward, babe. You have done this part before. Just do it like you always do." She then started kissing him. Before I knew it, she was unbuttoning his pants and I was really excited now. _Promised Land, here I fucking come…or cum, whichever._

Edward started unzipping the back of her dress and the zipper caught on her skin causing her to squeal out again. "Dammit, Edward! Shit!" I was laughing so hard my sides were splitting.

"Fuck! I'm sorry. Why don't you just take your damn dress off yourself? I suck at this shit." Edward was starting to ruin my…er…excitement. I needed to get the show on the road and pronto.

Finally, after five excruciatingly long minutes, they were both naked and ineptly caressing each other—avoiding the most important parts. _Never send a fumbling idiot teenager to do a man's job…_

To get Edward a bit more motivated, I started salivating. And motivated he sure was…instantly. _Fucking finally!_

Amazingly, he managed to start finger fucking her and she wrapped her tiny fingers around me and started pumping. Two minutes later, I started shouting to Edward, "Houston, we have a problem! Abort! Abort! We're gonna blow!"

Edward jerked his ass back quickly, and inadvertently slammed his head into hers. His fingers were still in her pussy when he yanked his hand up to grab his throbbing head. Both of them screamed out in pain.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Edward was rubbing his head with both hands. Poor Melissa was rubbing her head with one hand and her pussy with the other. (Fuck was that hot! Even if she wasn't doing it sexually.)

They stopped and looked at each other and thank you Jesus, they started laughing. After their laughter died down, they both took a deep breath and Edward said, "Do we really want to go through with this? Maybe this is a sign."

Melissa said, "Edward. It's going to be weird and embarrassing no matter when we do it. Tonight we have the time to ourselves. We have the…um…items we need. We might as well do it now. Unless…do you not _want_ to have sex with me?"

"Fuck, Melissa! Of course I want to have sex with you. I just thought you might be ready to castrate me after all of my klutz moves tonight. Come here, I'm sorry." He pulled her close and started to kiss her passionately.

They actually managed to make headway and Edward had, at long last, covered me with a condom and had positioned me right at her entrance. He rubbed her thighs gently and warned her that it was going to hurt. She grabbed the sheets and nodded her head.

Edward leaned forward on his elbows and started kissing her. I was screaming for him to fucking put me in the God-forsaken hole already and he pushed his hips forward the slightest bit. _Holy fuck!_ I could feel the warmth coming from her and I could smell her fucking lady juices and almost died right then and there. He slid me closer the tiniest bit and…

_Son of a fucking bitch!!!!!_

Yeah, I came. Didn't even touch the land where no man had gone before and I came like a…well, like a fucking teenager. Talk about degrading. And poor Melissa. She didn't even get her cherry popped. At least she was kind enough to not make fun of us. As compensation, Edward _did_ reciprocate by finger fucking her until she came. They decided after that to call it a night, even though watching her cum had me fully erect again.

They never tried again. She actually broke up with him shortly after…apparently an average-sized dick wasn't good enough for her newly acquire whorish tendencies. She made sure to tell Edward face to face that she found someone with a better, longer, thicker cock who knew his way around a pussy. _Fucking cunt._

So, poor Eddie boy moped around for days feeling inadequate and thinking he would never get a chance at pussy again. Valerie, the BJ Queen, heard of his predicament and grabbed him one day in the hall and shoved him into the janitor's closet. She wasted no time pinning him against the wall and unzipping his pants.

Edward grabbed her shoulders and asked her what the hell she was doing. I told him to shut the fuck up and enjoy the ride…er suck. She batted her eyes, licked her lips and said, "Edward, I am gonna rock your world and you will never even _think_ about Melissa again."

Let me tell you something. I wanted pussy. I yearned for pussy. But a woman who knows how to suck dick…HOLY FUCKING SHIT! That sure makes you forget about pussy…temporarily at least. That girl was amazing with her lips and tongue and _FUCK_ I shot down her throat so fucking hard! A hand could never feel _that_ damn good. Edward's knees went weak and he seriously slid down the wall and just sat there breathing heavily.

Valerie licked her lips and patted his head. "There you go, Edward. Now you can forget about that slut." She reached for the door and turned around, grinning, "Oh, and by the way. She's a moron 'cause you have a fucking magnificent cock, babe."

We missed the next class that day. Neither of us was able to move for at least fifteen minutes. Edward finally put me back in his pants and we both wore shit-eating grins for the rest of the day. Several people looked at Edward knowingly but fuck if either of us cared. We had our first blowjob and it was ten times better than even the thought of Melissa's pussy.

Valerie was nice enough to meet Edward in the closet at least twice a week for the rest of the school year. That was the extent of their relationship. She never expected him to do anything for her. Oddly, she simply enjoyed him fucking her mouth. _Works for me…_

After high school, we didn't get much action…at least not in the form of another human. I sure got to spew on a daily basis, still…but it was always at the hands of Rosey Palm and her five sisters…literally. Then one day, after our 21st birthday, we were rewarded for our many years of patience.

Edward had been dating a girl on campus for a few weeks and he told her he was a virgin. She didn't laugh at him…she actually was impressed, and she offered to help me out. That time I actually managed to penetrate…but not much. There had been nothing in this fucking world that felt like first-time pussy. Two thrusts later and I completely filled the condom, convulsing the whole way. Apparently that woman didn't know the mechanics of virgin sex because as soon as Edward pushed himself off of her, she got dressed, huffed, and walked out the door. Never to come back again.

Eventually, I was able to last long enough to get a girl off, but it took five more fucking times. That was pretty fucking humiliating, but _fuck_ it was so worth the humiliation because feeling a woman's pussy clench around me was the most fuckhot thing I had ever felt—yes, even better than virgin sex.

There were a few more women after that, but Edward never connected with any of them, so they never progressed into a relationship. Then the horrendous baby-gate happened and Edward swore off random women indefinitely. _Double fuck my life…_

At long last, the Fates threw us a bone…in the form of one Isabella Swan. The most glorious pussy known to man. And thank the fucking stars above she was not greedy with that pussy. She liked to fuck as much as we did. When I was rock-hard it turned her on…and since I sported wood 24/7…let's just say we gave rabbits a run for their money.

So, that brings us back to the present. Edward had started wearing these God-awful skin-tight, button-fly jeans so it wasn't as noticeable when he had a rise in his Levi's. Today was day two…day two of utter misery. We were heading out to the movies and dinner.

Bella was knocking on the front door and Edward was instantly running to answer it. He opened the door to a sexy, beautiful, smiling Bella. And now the fucking jeans were even tighter. I was quickly losing oxygen. _This is bull fucking shit…_

After Bella hugged Edward, she pulled back and looked right at me. Now she was busting a gut laughing.

"Edward, honey!" She was gasping for air. "Are you comfortable, baby?" Giggle, giggle, snort, snort. "You sure look…" deep breath, cackle. "Honey, get out of those jeans. Let poor Dick breathe…" _That's what I'm screaming! Thank you Jesus!_

Edward was slightly embarrassed, but Bella…eh…was quick to help put him at ease. And I was now cumming all up in her heavenly pussy, and floating on cloud nine!

Two hours later we were burning the fucking demon jeans and true to form, I was pitching a tent.


	4. The Funeral

**As usual, my outtakes are not beta'd, although I would like to thank my normal beta Allysue08 for doing a pre-read for me to make sure it was okay to post, lol.**

**For those who are awaiting the epi, I promise it is coming, I just needed to get this out of the way because it was taking up too much of my brain ;)**

**Thanks so much for reading!**

DPOV

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place…and that is NOT a good place for a dick to be.

On the one hand, I know that I will get to be immersed in Bella's sweet pussy every day for the rest of my life, but on the other hand…I know that I will get to be immersed in **only** Bella's sweet pussy every day for the Rest. Of. My. Fucking. Life.

Yeah, I guess you could say I'm suffering from cold…er balls.

Edward's all gung ho about this whole wedding ordeal. He has no apprehensions whatsoever. He's a fucking moron. I think that coma did some massive damage to his cerebral cortex because this dude's thought process is whacked.

I have to admit…we came out of that coma and both of us were hornier than a two-dick billy goat, so I was more than ecstatic when Bella was nearby because I thought we would be getting some action right away. Then she mentioned those sexy ass boy shorts and I was done for. But that didn't last long. She insisted nothing was happening in the damn hospital.

I thought for sure when Edward put her hand on me and she began to stroke…oh my God and my eyes were rolling in the back of my head…and then…then the fucktard decided we would behave and listen to her as she depressed the shit out of him. Ain't nothing worse than guilt to make my boy forget all about sex. _Son of a bitch._

After she finally calmed him down and had him in better spirits the fucker remembered that idiotic dream he had in his coma. _Fuck my life._

I tried everything to get him to rethink his decision. I even tried wrestling the damn tape from his fingers. He was making a huge mistake. I kept ragging on him hoping like hell he would reconsider….of course he wouldn't, he was too much of an idiot... Then I put all of my hope in Bella. She had turned him down for the simple request of living with us, so I thought for sure she would say no to something as life altering as marriage.

Of course that was just wishful fucking thinking. The damn woman said yes immediately. _Double fuck my life…_

Just as I was contemplating suicide I heard it. The moan. I know what that moan means. I fucking live for that moan. Hell, I would die for that moan. That moan only means one thing… I was getting some pus-sy!

I freshened up just in time for her to sit right down on me. _Oh fucking glorious pussy how I have missed thee…_

There I was enjoying the shit out of some dry humping foreplay when…

WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?

I was pissed. A fucking hospital gown…I hadn't had to bust a nut in a piece of clothing since high school. What a bunch of bull-fucking-shit.

Oh well…at least it wasn't Eddie boy's hand who got me off this time…But, fuck, I was still beyond pissed.

The nurse came in and checked him over and started to leave. I had to actually remind him to have her remove the tube going down my throat. What a fucking dipshit.

After the nurse left, Eddie shocked the shit out of me and jumped out of the bed and went all caveman on Bella. I was rubbing my hands together thinking for sure I was getting some pussy now.

Mother. Fucking. Holy. Hell.

I was infuriated at both of them by this point. I had decided right then and there that the next time Edward needed me, I was going to stay flaccid. Fuck the dumb shit. It's payback bitch! Then Bella cupped her hand around me and that threat went right out the window. _Fucking testosterone…_

I stayed hard for quite a while after that. _That'll show them…_

Then I heard that voice…that voice that makes me curl up in the corner, whimpering and crying. Esme. The chick was cool and all, but damn she sure knew how to embarrass a guy. And nothing makes a man go limp faster than his momma talking about sex right in front of the very person he plans to bend over and fuck senseless as soon as they are alone. Yeah, Esme is a huge erection deterrent.

As if he was just rubbing it in my face, Edward grabbed that damn ring and knelt down and proposed _again_…What I would have given to see her say no at that point…That would be some funny shit right there. Leave it to Bella to not have second thoughts.

I was in hiding for quite some time while those damn women squealed and celebrated the end of life as I knew it. I had really hoped that Esme wouldn't be able to find that fucking ring. Then again, even _that_ probably wouldn't have stopped Eddie boy.

After the Wicked Witch of Sex left, Edward and Bella started talking about kids. My ears perked right up then…sex was totally my department right there.

Hell fucking yes! They were both anxious to get started on making babies. This could be a very good thing…oh wait…of _course_ they didn't mean tonight, what in the hell was I thinking?

~*~

The next morning was heavenly waking up pressed into Bella's sexy ass. That is until she stopped any further progress. And to think…she used to want it as bad as we did. _What has gotten into her?_

I convinced Edward to give in to a quick session in the shower after the doctor left. I knew there was no hope for going soft after the way I woke up.

However, the relief didn't last long. As soon as we came out of the shower Edward shoved me right back into that sweet ass again. _He's a fucking masochist…and he's determined to take me down with him._

As if things weren't already bad enough, he pulled her down on his lap when we were heading out to the truck. _How do you plan to pull yourself out of this one, fuckwit?_

Bella saved his ass right then by distracting the nurse so he could stand up, but Edward was never the brightest bulb in the pack. He started talking about trouble and whips and leather…and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fucking drooling at the thought (literally)…but Edward hadn't heard the nurse coming up behind him. He was mortified when she started giggling. I was laughing so hard that I nearly choked on my own…er…drool. Then when Bella insinuated that she had used an ass plug on Edward I lost it. I think I lost consciousness from laughing so hard and hyperventilating.

~*~

I know I have told you how much I like sex. I am a dick…if I didn't like sex I would be a pussy…well, not all pussies, 'cause shit Bella's sure liked to fuck as much as I did. _Daaamn!_

Anyway…sex with Bella has always been glorious. That woman knew how to use her tongue, her fingers, hell, everything that belonged to her was a weapon of mass sexulation. (I have no clue if that is a word or not, but dammit, it sure as fuck should be with the way that woman manipulates all things sex related.)

So, I was a bit excited knowing that we were heading back to the house…alone…and horny…with Bella…and Bella's pussy…and did I mention horny? Yeah, excited was an understatement.

Let me tell you…I had never, I repeat _NEVER_ fucked like we fucked that day. Holy fuck! They were slamming each other back and forth against the walls and the more stuff I heard fall or break the harder I got. I love it when Eddie goes all caveman on Bella, but…_fuck me…_Bella going all cavewoman? That is the hottest shit I have ever seen.

I was getting a bit impatient when he splayed her out on the table and started eating her pussy. Fuck that, I wanted in on the action, too. He finished her up and they both stood and that magnificent woman had me in her mouth faster than you can say 'deepthroat'.

I was about to go medieval on Edward's ass when he stopped her from sucking and then I realized he was just wanting to put me someplace even more heavenly. _Fuck yes!_

And he was even so thoughtful as to bend her over the couch for me…best fucking position in history.

It didn't take me very long, but I am not ashamed to admit it this time. If you were in my position…my _literal_ position, you would have done the same thing. I came so hard up in her fucking pussy that it probably hit the back of her throat anyway. _Welcome home Dick…welcome home._

~*~

I can't honestly tell you a whole lot about what happened over the next few weeks. Bella stayed with us now, so of course I was in her every chance I could get. You gotta love her…she never turned us down. But during those weeks, life was complete chaos. Poor Bella was being dragged every which direction by that pygmy friend of hers. Edward took everything in stride. He was just on cloud nine.

Well, that was until the evil twin of Wicked Witch of Sex came over—the Wicked Witch of Anti-Sex. I would take Esme over Renee any day. I don't think it took long for Edward to agree with me. I knew the night they hid the toilet paper in order to have an excuse to leave that Renee was grating on Edward's nerves just as bad as mine. _No one_ was getting any with her in the house. Luckily Bella was a horny ass just like me and she found a place not too far from the house for them to sneak off to every night and have a quickie…or two.

So now here we are…the day before the funeral…uh, I mean _wedding_ (gag). I had hoped for another night of steaming hot sex in the woods, as usual, but Bella has to stay away from her darling Edward on the eve of their wedding because it is tradition. _Fuck tradition, I'm horny._

Edward is in seventh heaven. He reminds me of Tiny Tim when he 'Tiptoed Through the Tulips'…gay ass motherfucker. Even as I hum Chopin's 'Funeral March' repeatedly, he has a fucking smile on his face and a spring in his step. _Wake me when it's over…_

~*~

I wake up and Edward is up before me…that _never_ happens. Either I was trying to stay unconscious as long as possible or he really is a fucking pansy and can't wait to 'meet her at the altar' as he so eloquently put it on his little pathetic attempt at romance. Again, _Fuck my life…_

Eddie boy starts getting dressed for the day and…

"What in the holy fuck are you thinking dude? I know this is a horrible day for both of us, but getting married isn't a contact sport for fuck's sake. You don't need a damn jockstrap." I snarl at him. _No way in hell is he getting me in that fucking thing ever again…_

He simply continues to pull the fucker up over me and says, "Look, I know you…and I know that you can't get within twenty feet of Bella without pitching a tent and I am not about to be humiliated in front of God and everybody by sporting wood at the altar when I say, 'I do,' so fuck you, it stays. Besides, I was going to revert to the banana hammock, but I think we both learned our lesson from that back in high school. So be thankful for this. This is the best for both of us. And _another_ thing…it's only a matter of hours before you get to be buried so deep in Bella that you will forget all about this fucking jockstrap. Now shut the hell up."

Well, he does have a point. I hate it when he's right.

~*~

As I look around the room, I start counting all of the prospects that I am missing out on boning. Thirty-three…well, thirty-five if you count Bella's twin lesbian cousins that I 'm pretty sure I could convince to bat for the other team. _Fuck are they hot…it must be in that Swan blood…_

But Eddie is oblivious…he only has eyes for _Isabella_…ugh. Every single fuckhot woman that walks through that door doesn't do a damn thing for him. Whipped, I tell ya….fucking whipped.

It must be getting close to time because Edward is shifting from foot to foot. I snicker up at him and ask him if he is getting cold feet finally and he tells me his only concern is that he screws up his vows. He knows he is making the right choice and I should shut my trap if I plan to get some tonight. _Yeah, like he would hold out on sex tonight just as punishment for me….fat chance there Pervy Magoo._

Suddenly I crack my head on the damn plastic cup that is surrounding me. _Shit!_ Again, Edward was right. Bella stands at the opened doors in front of us (I estimate it to be about fifty feet, so he was a bit wrong on proximity). Damn is that woman beautiful. _Wait, what?_ _What the fuck am I saying? I just want her pussy…that's all I care about…FUCK!_

Bella starts walking up the aisle and I can hear Edward's heart start to race. She smiles the most gorgeous smile I'd ever seen and I'd be willing to bet she'd give angels a run for their money in the beauty department. _Damn…no…no, no, no! I can't be thinking like this. Pussy, pussy…that's all I want is her pussy…_

She makes it to the altar and Edward takes her by the hand as they turn from the crowd. Suddenly I feel all warm and tingly…and sex is the farthest thing from my mind. _Son of a fucking bitch! Edward has been brainwashing me! He's turned me into a pansy ass just like him!_

This isn't right. Nothing about this is right. I'm not supposed to be happy when my man Eddie signs away his rights to random pussy for the rest of his existence. I'm not supposed to smile when he attaches that ball and chain to his ankle. I'm not supposed to be looking forward to (gulp) cuddling…

I try…I try so very hard to dredge up anger or resentment or sadness…anything except for this euphoric feeling of…dare I say it? _Love._ What has this world come to when a dick falls in love?

~*~

If I were a fucking chick I would tell you that the ceremony is beautiful and romantic and just perfect. But since I am not a fucking chick, let's get on with the story.

I listen to Emmett sing one of the worst renditions of Adam Sandler's 'Grow Old With You' while the guests bust out laughing when he sings "Even let you hold the remote control." Leave it to Emmett to be the life of the party.

Rose gets up and quotes 'The Marriage of Dawn' by Yuvarani Sami* to which many women start sniffling and patting their eyes with Kleenex. _Puh-leez._

Jasper. My man, Jasper. You gotta love him. He simply gets up and says (in his slow, southern drawl mind you),

_Edward and Bella no sooner met but they looked, no_

_sooner looked but they loved, no sooner loved but they_

_sighed, no sooner sighed but they asked one another the_

_reason, no sooner knew the reason but they sought the_

_remedy; and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs_

_to marriage, which they will climb incontinent, or else be_

_incontinent before marriage. They are in the very wrath of_

_love, and they will together. Clubs cannot part them._

He doesn't even make it away from the mic when Emmett says, "And for those who aren't fluent in Shakespeare, that simply means they had to get married because they are too horny not to!"

Rose slaps him upside the head and he blurts out, "What? I googled that shit!"

The whole room erupts with laughter. Edward and I are just thankful that everyone in attendance is already perverted otherwise that might have been embarrassing.

The rest of the ceremony continues without a hitch. We jump into the limo to make our way to the reception.

Edward and Bella are all over each other. I perk right up thinking that we might make a pit stop. Bella's hand runs up Edward's thigh and she comes in contact with his jockstrap when suddenly everything stops.

"Edward…"

Edward attempts to distract her by kissing her neck, but Bella isn't an idiot.

She starts giggling and asks, "Would you like to tell me what the hell is between your legs?"

Ever persistent Edward continues to explore her neck and mumbles against her skin, "No…"

By this point Bella is full out laughing.

Edward nips at her neck and she squeals. "You are ruining our ride, my darling wife," Edward grins and pulls her into his lap. _Sweet mother of pearl…_

I try desperately hard to come out from under the fucking cup but I'm starting to think Edward might have sewed it on.

The limo pulls over and Edward moans. "I don't wanna get out."

"Mr. Cullen…you and I will be on our honeymoon in a matter of hours. Let's go humor our guests and make an appearance at _our_ reception, then we can spend the next week together completely naked if that's what you want." Bella giggles as she pushes Edward's hands away repeatedly.

"Is that a promise _Mrs._ Cullen? Not a stitch of clothes for an entire week?"

Bella slaps his hand and reaches for the door handle but pauses. "Yes, but first you must explain the predicament your have put Dick in…"

~*~

Bella had a good laugh when Edward explained why he was sporting a jockstrap. She continued to laugh until they walked into the reception hall. Edward excused himself to 'remove the obstruction' and headed to the restroom.

He is now giving me a pep talk. He promises great things if I behave myself. Who does he think he is? His mind is as much in the gutter as mine is…okay, well maybe not, but…well, it's pretty damn close.

So I make all of these promises I don't intend to keep and we walk back out to find Bella.

Everyone takes their seats and the speeches begin. I kinda doze off for this part…I'm too busy daydreaming of that week of nakedness Bella promised to Eddie boy.

A couple of times Bella interrupts my fantasies by rubbing on Edward's thigh. Of course, she never goes any further. _Thanks for that…_

Once the speeches are over and toasts have been made they announce the first dance. Edward graciously takes Bella by the hand and leads her out onto the dance floor. It starts out slow and sensual (and I puke in my mouth a little) but once everyone joins in, Edward pulls Bella closer to whisper in her ear. When he does, I feel her luscious hip and I can't help but spring to life. I tried. I tried so fucking hard. I held my damn nose so I could be near her and not get hard. It's his own fault for pulling her close.

"Psst Edward…" I try to suggest for Edward and Bella to go someplace where they can be alone, but he attempts to ignore me. So I get a little more persistent (aka get harder).

I might poke Bella a bit too hard. She gasps and then giggles. "I knew it wouldn't last. What made you lose the cup?"

Edward's response is to simply pull her close and say, "Do you think anyone will notice if we sneak out for about thirty minutes?" _Chalk one up for the Dickmeister!_

"I haven't had the dance with my father yet, Edward…I think he might notice." _Scratch that chalking…_

"Baby, please…I had to sleep all alone last night. You don't know how incredibly difficult it was for me to fall asleep without you by my side." _MY ASS!!_

She sighs. _Yes! And the chalk is mine again!_

Edward conspiratorially makes a plan for them to leave the room separately so as to not attract any attention. Fucking idiots act like teenagers trying not to get caught. _You're married you nitwits! What the hell is the purpose of getting married if you can't hump like jackrabbits?_

Bella politely excuses herself to the restroom as Edward speaks briefly to his mother's sister's cousin's uncle's second wife, twice removed. (No, but seriously, I have no clue who the old bag is…I'm not even sure he does either.)

Edward looks over his shoulder to make sure no one is looking and slips silently out of the room. _Seriously?_

Edward begins walking down the hall when he suddenly realizes he hadn't made plans of _where_ to meet Bella. Lucky for him, her elevator actually reached the top floor (unlike his) and she _had_ made a plan. She grabs him by the elbow and they scurry off toward a darker hall. At the very end of the hall is a room and Bella pulls Edward into it.

There is a tiny amount of light in the room due to the thick drapes that are covering the windows, but the amount of light is enough for us to see the grand piano at the back of the room…and nothing else. My heart skips a beat. _Surely she isn't planning…_

Yes, yes she is. _WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME SUZY!_

Bella pulls us over to the piano and pushes Edward down onto the bench all seductive-like. _Yes! Yes! YES!!!_

Edward tries to grab Bella's waist and she stops him, "Un un uh!" she says in a sing-song voice. He looks at her questioningly and when she starts to remove his tie he decides he will let her have the reins.

Once she has his tie undone and his jacket off, she starts to undo his belt.

She doesn't completely remove his pants, which confuses me. I'm pretty sure we needed to be…

Or maybe not…

Bella barely slips me out of my confines before I am thrust into her mouth. _FUCK YES!!_

"Fuck, Bella!" Edward gasps. _Yeah, total surprise there, huh buddy boy?_

Bella licks and sucks and the whole time Edward is moaning and hissing and grabbing handfuls of her hair. _Well, I doubt they are going to walk back into that reception unnoticed…_

"Bella…fuck…I need to be in you…" Edward groans.

Without missing a beat, Bella raises up, gathers up all of her gown and straddles right down onto me…

"Fuck, baby! Have you been commando all night?" Edward just might be hyperventilating.

"I'm not _that_ stupid, Edward!" She reaches down the top of her dress and pulls out her sexy purple panties and stuffs them in Edward's pocket. "I removed them while you mingled trying to make us inconspicuous!" She starts giggling, "Now shut up and fuck me, husband!" _Damn! I love when she talks dirty!_

"I love it when you talk dirty, baby! Fuck!" Edward echoes. _Hmm…so far marriage isn't all that bad…_

~*~

Just as I suspected, when Edward and Bella walked back into the room (separately of course, to continue the idiotic charade) they received many knowing looks, quiet giggles, and one not-so-quiet comment from Emmett that was "disguised" as a cough.

Bella then danced with her dad and Edward danced with Esme…actually, more like Edward held Esme while she bawled her eyes out telling him how happy she was for him.

Then Bella danced with Carlisle and Edward danced with Renee…that's four minutes of our life we will never get back…

Finally, all of the dances had been danced and all of the toasts had been toasted and garter belt and bouquet thrown (Alice knocked everyone down in front of Rose so that the bouquet would land right in her hands…) and it was time for Edward and Bella to head to Tahiti.

There were tears coming from every direction and I just wanted to get the hell outta Dodge! That was too much estrogen for my liking.

In the limo, on the way to the airport, Bella has her legs draped across Edward's lap. She had since lost the atrocity known as her wedding gown and settled for a bright yellow sundress. Edward is massaging her feet since she had been cramped in her heels all day. Her little soft moans are starting to get to me. What can I say? I told you I know what her moans mean. Granted, these didn't mean sex, but testosterone can't tell the difference.

Edward grins, "So…did you really mean complete nakedness for the entire week?"

Bella half moans, half giggles, "Maybe…however, since we will be in Tahiti, we might need to actually sight-see for at least a little bit. I know I want to swim in that gorgeous water…"

"Well…we don't have to have clothes to swim…" Edward wiggles his eyebrows.

"What am I going to do with you, husband?" Bella sighs in contentment.

"You have the rest of your life to figure that out, my darling wife. Bring on the shackles, I'm your prisoner."

_Did someone mention shackles?_

***The Marriage of Dawn**

_Author: Yuvarani Sami_

Dawn dressed in darkness

Welcomes the lights of wedding

The day two hearts joining together

Two souls joining together

Bound by love.

A wedding is the entrance to a marriage

Stepping from a fairy tale carriage

Into quite ordinary air.

The realization comes,

Life is a beautiful dance

Requiring intense coordination.

The hearts are beating

Slightly faster than others,

Nervousness seeps through

For both the groom and the bride

Awaiting the great moment

Two selves, one life; two notes, one harmony

Loving not just one, but both of you.

Friends and family

Joined together

In the wedding bliss

To wish them love

To wish them happiness

To wish them great future together.

We wish them to find

Joy is in the simple things

Touching, embracing,

Like coming home knowing,

When your eyes meet and no words need to be said.

They already knew

Long before the sound of wedding bells

Love for each other till the very end

Still, we wish them love for each other till the very end.

So, let us listen to the sound of wedding bells

And join in the rhythm of joy

In the celebration of love.


End file.
